i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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