Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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