I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
