at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this boner is exhausting
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
