I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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