Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm jealous of your bromance
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
