Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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