bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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