I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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