Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
