Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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