Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
