You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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