dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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