He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
