I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
