We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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