You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
