I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
