My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
