By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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