I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
