I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize