apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
