You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
