she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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