This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
