if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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