Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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