I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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