I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize