i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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