member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just had sex on a roof
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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