My balls are so social today.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
