so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
