I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize