So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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