If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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