I'm going to jail i love you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
