it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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