Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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