I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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