did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Girls should come with a carfax report
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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