the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize