He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
