I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
