We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
