you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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