Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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