Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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