i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
