just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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