just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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