i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
