why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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