Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
