This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize