I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
