woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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