Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
