yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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