She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
