We're like a lot better than the average bears
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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