she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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