she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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