We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
