Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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