At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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