That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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