This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
