Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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