Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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