Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think your dad took our porno
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
