isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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