he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
