Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
