Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
