Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
