I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize