you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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