Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
vagina is talking i cant
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
