I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So many bounce houses so little time
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
