so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Acid is not a monday night drug
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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