Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
