Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
