Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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