Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They took my balls.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
