in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
