now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize