So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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