Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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