Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
